


Perchance to dream

by Melacka



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Daydreams, F/M, Liz pines, Mild Smut, Red is amused, Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-05-15 09:54:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14788265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Melacka/pseuds/Melacka
Summary: Elizabeth Keen is plagued by daydreams involving Raymond Reddington. Not that it means anything. No. Not at all.If only he'd stop catching her at it.





	1. Harmless indulgence

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently when I write fic, I disregard timelines. Who knew? This is set early S2 but without the whole Tom rotting on a boat storyline. He's just gone. He plays no part in this story. Hallelujah!
> 
> I anticipate that this will be 3-4 chapters and all of them will be at least vaguely suggestive even if they don't delve into all-out smut. Consider yourselves warned.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, I just like playing with them sometimes.

Liz was in trouble. She could feel the distraction creeping over her more and more often. At work, at home, running errands, carrying on conversations, she was plagued by distracting thoughts. This wasn’t anything new for her, of course. She’d been getting in trouble for her vivid imagination ever since she was a child, her teachers were always sending angry notes home to Sam about her inability to concentrate in her classes. Her grades were good so Sam was less concerned about her behavior in class and more about the way her face would completely transform when she was lost in a daydream. Whatever she was thinking about would be written all over her face, obvious to anyone who cared to look. Recognizing the danger in this, Sam had spent long hours trying to teach her to control her facial features and conceal her emotions at will. It was never her strong suit, no matter how hard she tried. Liz accepted this particular weakness years ago and did her best to minimize its impact on her life. Unfortunately, in her chosen profession distraction can be fatal and revealing what she’s thinking is only marginally less dangerous. The best that she can do is to avoid eye contact with anyone when she’s lost in her own thoughts. She’s mastered the art of looking busy while daydreaming in order to minimize the risk of being caught.

This is especially important now that she is spending more and more time with Red. She’d learned the hard, excruciatingly embarrassing way that as soon as her eyes meet Red’s, he is able to discern the exact _nature_ of her thoughts, even if he is mercifully ignorant of the specifics. She wouldn’t mind if he caught her daydreaming about something innocuous, like if she were idly considering what she would do if the Blacklist didn’t exist or where she would travel if she had endless supplies of money. (She is aware of the irony that Red could make both of those daydreams a reality if he so chose.) She wouldn’t even mind so much if he caught her indulging in the occasional professional daydream, like when she thinks about Red praising her to Cooper or Ressler deferring to her judgment on something where she turned out to be right. Those sorts of daydreams used to feature quite heavily in her early days with the Task Force, back when she was desperate to prove her worth to the people around her, seeking Red’s approval while also resenting the hell out of him.

Liz almost feels nostalgic for those simpler times, now that she’s cautiously trying to piece her life back together again after the devastation that Tom’s betrayal wrought. She’s trying so hard to put that behind her, trying to find her way back to the woman who is confident and desirable and in charge of her own future. Liz isn’t entirely convinced that she was ever that person in the past, but that is definitely the woman she wants to be in the future. Red has been amazingly supportive throughout this whole process. He was a constant presence in her life when she went through the formalities of dissolving her sham of a marriage, seeming to be equal parts irritating and reassuring. Looking back on it now, Liz is almost certain that he was doing it on purpose, giving her something to focus on rather than her rage and grief. He had a special knack of turning up with a new Blacklister just as she was beginning another descent into the depths of despair. She has found herself on more than one occasion mourning the life that she thought she had with Tom rather than the life she’d actually been living. She misses the comfort of having someone to come home to, someone that she can rely on. She’s getting sick of living in dingy motels, spending so much extra time working so that she doesn’t have to go “home”.

Of course, spending so much extra time at work means so much more time with Red. Red, with his sharp eyes and even sharper mind. Red, who always seems to catch her right in the middle of her most elaborately detailed daydreams. Red, who has unfortunately begun to feature a little too regularly in said daydreams. She tries to view her situation dispassionately, casting a professional eye over her recent history. She knows that her life has been completely uprooted and that she has been floundering in uncertainty for months. She knows that Red is a convenient target for whatever mood she happens to be in because he has voluntarily fulfilled so many different roles for her. She has been in turns furious, grateful and wistful where he is concerned.

Logically, she knows that it is both normal and healthy to have the occasional sexual fantasy about someone, so she isn’t especially bothered by the increasing frequency of her daydreams about him. She enjoys sex and misses the intimacy and pleasure it affords. She can acknowledge to herself that Red is a very handsome and charismatic man, so it is perfectly natural for her to be attracted to him. The very fact that he is virtually unattainable for her makes her feel safer, there really can’t be any danger from indulging in the occasional fantasy about him. Red seems to be flirtatious by default and has given her no reason to believe that he would be interested in _her_ any more than he would be interested in any other woman he knows. She tries to convince herself that it’s the mystery of it all that has her so intrigued. She still doesn’t know what he wants from her and _that_ must be why she’s thinking about him so often. She doesn’t find this argument particularly convincing but it’s all she has right now.

Her real problem is that all the rationalizing and logical conclusions drawn from professional objectivity doesn’t change the fact that she is having increasingly sexual daydreams about him almost daily. The worst part is that he keeps catching her at it and he has a particular way of making her feel incredibly embarrassed any time he does. His favorite method seems to be to come up behind her, whisper something very quietly in her ear and then slip away again before she has a chance to recover. It started a few weeks ago, she had been pleasantly engaged in thinking about divesting him of every single layer of clothing, being careful not to touch his bare skin at all, imagining the noises he would make and the way his body would twitch with desire, when he had suddenly murmured, “Distracted, Elizabeth?” very close behind her.

Then during one of Ressler’s briefings, she’d been happily considering the possibility of distracting Red during an important business call. She’d pictured herself sidling up to him in his safe-house while he was talking to one of his associates, she’d run her hands all over his chest and slowly undo all the buttons on his vest. Liz only smirked at his look of censure and moved her hands lower to undo his belt, drawing it out of its loops and letting it drop heavily to the floor. He’d tried to excuse himself from the call while she lowered his zipper, but she’d told him to keep talking as she slipped her hand inside his boxers to stroke him lightly. She met his eyes boldly and then she sunk slowly to her knees in front of him.

It was just at that point that she’d been brought abruptly back to reality by the sound of a piece of paper being thrown onto the desk in front of her. She’d blinked to clear the lingering image of her opening her mouth to take Red’s cock, vaguely annoyed to be interrupted just as she got to the good bit, and looked down to read the note the real Red had dropped in front of her: _Penny for your thoughts?_ scrawled in red ink. When she looked up to glare at him, he was already halfway towards the elevator.

“Do call me if you ever have anything interesting to discuss, Donald,” he called out cheerily as he stepped into the elevator with Dembe. “Perhaps you could ask Agent Keen, she looks like she has something _interesting_ on her mind.”

Liz and Ressler flushed in unison. Liz in embarrassment, Ressler in anger, but Red was already gone. Liz didn’t know what to say anyway, she’d just crumpled up the note and tried to listen more closely to what Ressler was saying.

And then just last week, she’d been half-heartedly filling out some paperwork on their recently closed case. Her mind was taken up almost entirely by her thoughts of Red. This time she’d been picturing him removing his tie and using it to bind her hands above her head. She was spread out on an elaborately carved four-poster bed, wearing a lacy red lingerie set that she’d seen recently and instantly dismissed as a waste of money. Her eyes were covered by a blindfold of black silk and she was completely at his mercy. She trembled as he blew little puffs of air over her skin and arched up closer to him when he lowered his mouth to her breast, whispering _Elizabeth_ with obvious reverence and desire.

“Elizabeth? Are you feeling alright?”

“Huh?” Liz said, snapping out of her daydream to see Red standing directly in front of her, a look of mild concern crossing his features. “Oh, Red! I didn’t see you there,” she explained a little breathlessly.

“Clearly,” he said, seemingly disappointed. “Honestly, Lizzy, I feel like I never have your attention at all these days.”

Liz snorted but didn’t say anything. She clearly couldn’t trust herself to behave normally just yet.

“Well, whatever you’re working on there must be absolutely riveting. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone quite so caught up by paperwork.”

“Yeah, well,” she began awkwardly, “I’ve had a lot on my mind.”

“So I’ve noticed. Whatever can you have been thinking of?” He tilted his head to the side and smiled knowingly at her. “Or is it more a case of _who_ can you have been thinking of?” He chuckled quietly at her look of panic. “Well, I hope you know that you can always call on me if you need help _clearing_ your mind.” He leaned closer and Liz felt her eyebrows raise in surprise. “I can be a very good listener if you ever want to talk about what’s been distracting you.”

He must have seen the flare of fear on her face because he’d tactfully, and somewhat uncharacteristically, changed the subject completely. He ignored all the visible signs of her distraction and led her off to his car, talking non-stop and casually waving Ressler off when he’d tried to ask what was going on.

Ever since then, she’s been more careful any time he’s in the vicinity. It’s one thing to be okay with having sexual thoughts about him, it’s another thing entirely to have him repeatedly catch her at it.

* * * * *

At first, she’d been a little unnerved by the role that she regularly cast for herself in these little daydreams, how she would go from seductress to submissive so easily. She tried to rationalize the behavior, arguing with herself that fantasy is intended to be an outlet for her baser emotions, allowing her to participate in scenarios that she would never desire in real life. It wasn’t long before she realized that she was kidding herself. As incredible as it would have once seemed to her, she could trust Red to help her act out these fantasies, if she so chose. She had no doubt that he would treat her with respect and not judge her for feeling that way. He would probably be an eager participant and she knew that she could feel safe with him. Once she made that connection in her head, she gave herself up to it completely. She had a safe, healthy, private outlet for her frustrated desire and she simply wasn’t going to berate herself for it any more.

And then, as is so often the case, as soon as she found a way to be okay with what was happening, things took a turn for the worse. She had become so used to the regular invasion of sexual daydreams in her daily life that she barely let them interrupt her routine at all. She’d just avert her eyes and try to look busy while she indulged herself. But then her daydreams started to take a decidedly romantic turn and the shift was impossible to ignore or easily explain away. She started to imagine scenarios that had little or nothing to do with sex and found herself enjoying these as much, if not more so than her sexual daydreams. She wonders what it would be like to go out on a date with Raymond Reddington. Would he pick her up at her motel or would she just meet him at a restaurant? She’s almost certain that he would perform all those little gentlemanly flourishes and courtesies for her if she’d let him. He’d open doors, take her coat, pull out her chair, and pour them both wine. He’d probably manage to do it all so casually and naturally that she wouldn’t feel awkward about it at all.

She allows these thoughts to keep her pleasantly distracted from the more mundane aspects of her existence. She thinks about the sweet anticipation of their first kiss one day when shopping for groceries, imagining him holding her face with both hands and leaning in to place gentle kisses against her cheeks, her forehead and her nose before finally reaching her lips. While folding her laundry, she imagines him draping his coat around her shoulders to keep her warm, running her hands between his before bringing them up to his mouth to kiss each one tenderly. On her drive into work one day, she thinks about how nice it would be to cuddle up against him in the back of his car, stroking her hand gently up and down his leg, reveling in the way she can tease him with Dembe so close.

She tries not to focus on the fact that her level of distraction is escalating steadily and is becoming more serious. It’s only a matter of time before someone comments on it, she knows that she has to get better control over her thoughts and behavior. She can feel the difference in herself and hopes desperately that Red won’t put two and two together and figure out what’s going on. What started out as harmless fantasies confined to her evenings or other free time has turned into an all-out assault on her waking hours, so much so that she’s starting to half-doubt her ability to tell fantasy from reality.

As long as Red never, _ever_ finds out that she’s thinking about him this way, she can handle it. Besides it isn’t hurting anyone and it’s not really preventing her from doing her job, so she doesn’t see the harm in it. She’s probably only one out of hundreds of people fantasizing about Raymond Reddington, a thought that she resolutely pushes to the back of her mind every time it occurs to her. She doesn’t need any further confirmation that she’s being ridiculous, thank you very much.

* * * * *

Liz huffed in frustration and started reading the report in front of her for the fifth time that hour. She wasn’t getting anywhere. It was certainly a sad state of affairs when she was horribly distracted by thinking about her distraction. She shook her head and stood up abruptly, stretching out her limbs and moving her shoulders up and down to try to loosen herself up. It was late and she’d been trying to read that damn report all night, but she hadn't made any progress. She was too caught up in her own thoughts, she didn't have any room left for work. Finally, Liz decided to just pack up and go, she was the only one left there anyway and she could always _not_ read the report from her motel room just as well as at the office.

She gathered her belongings and put her coat on quickly, walking rapidly towards the elevator. Now that she’d made the decision to leave, she wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. Maybe being outside of the office would help to clear her mind anyway. Liz was jolted from her thoughts by the sudden clamor of her phone from where she’d left it on her desk. She raced back from the elevator and glared at it balefully when she saw _Nick’s Pizza_ on the screen.

“Hello?”

“Lizzy!” Red’s voice rung out clearly as she sat back in her chair. “I hope I’m not interrupting another fascinating mound of paperwork, I know how you love to just get lost in the moment when filling out those all-important forms!”

“Red—” Liz said wearily, lowering her head softly to the desk in front of her in defeat.

“I was actually calling to ask if you’re free this evening.”

Liz’s head shot up from the desk suddenly, her mind immediately jumping to some very unhelpful conclusions.

“Oh?” she said in what she desperately hoped was a normal-sounding voice.

“Yes, our Blacklister is hosting a cocktail party this evening to which I have, naturally, been invited.” Liz felt her heart begin to pound and was suddenly grateful that she was alone in the room. She cringed at the thought of having this conversation in front of Ressler. “Would you like to join me, Lizzy?”

“Well—” Liz began hesitantly, some lingering sense of self-preservation warning her against it.

“Come now, Lizzy, it’ll be fun.”

“Uh—”

“We’ll drink, we’ll dance, we’ll gather evidence on ruthless criminals.”

“I—”

“That’s settled then. I’ll pick you up at eight.”

He hung up before she could protest and Liz looked at her phone helplessly. It was already 6.45pm, she was going to have to hurry. It wouldn’t do to keep him waiting. She walked quickly to the elevator again, her phone clutched tightly in her hand and fighting hard to keep the excited smile off her face at the prospect of an evening spent with Red.

“Damn it, Liz,” she said sternly to herself. “Get it together.”


	2. Shall we?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "She took a calming breath and adopted an air of studied nonchalance. When Red returned a moment later with two flutes of champagne, she was ready to greet him with nothing more damning than a flirtatious smile. "
> 
> Liz joins Red for a party and tries to remember the basic principles of self-preservation.

By the time Liz arrived back at her motel, it was nearly 7.15 and she was verging on panic. She’d gotten stuck in terrible traffic and spent the last ten minutes of her journey cursing softly to herself every time she had to stop for a light or slow down for another car. She didn’t know what she had to wear and was just starting to think that it might be better to just call Red and tell him she couldn’t make it. As she slammed her car door and turned towards her room, she noticed a familiar black Mercedes parked nearby. She checked her watch as she approached, ready to make a joke about his inconvenient punctuality, when Dembe stepped out of the car.

“Dembe?”

“Agent Keen.”

“Call me Liz,” she muttered absentmindedly. “What’s going on?”

“Raymond thought that you may not have enough time to prepare for the party and sent me to give you this.” Dembe opened the back door as he spoke and removed a dress bag. “With his compliments,” he finished stoically as he handed the bag to Liz. She just stared at it, bewildered.

“Uh—” she began, without quite knowing where her sentence was going.

“He also asked that you accept these as a gift,” Dembe continued quietly, reaching into the car once more and drawing out a large bag. “He appreciates that you are taking time out to attend this event with him on such short notice.”

Liz glanced down at what he was holding out and suspected that Red had provided her with an entire outfit for the evening, shoes and jewellery included. She let out a resigned sigh and took the bag from him, jostling it awkwardly for a moment with everything else she was holding.

“Shouldn’t I find it a little unnerving that he has all of this just waiting for me?” Liz joked nervously.

“Raymond likes to be prepared for _all_ situations, Elizabeth,” Dembe replied gently, and she smiled at his use of her name. “He has probably been waiting some time to give them to you.”

Liz felt her brow furrow in confusion as she puzzled over this.

“But—” she began but Dembe was already opening the car door again, preparing to leave.

“I will return soon, Agent Keen.”

Liz glanced down at her watch and saw that it was already creeping close to 7.30. She didn’t have time to worry or question his motives, that would have to wait for later. She hurried to her room and let herself in, dumping the bags on the bed. She didn’t bother to open them yet, deciding to just shower first and then look at what he sent her after. It’s not as if she’d have to worry about what he would choose for her. He was a man of impeccable taste, after all.

Fifteen minutes later, she stood naked in front of the bed, unpacking the bags with slightly shaking fingers. She’d made the mistake of letting her mind wander to Red while she was in the shower and had wasted precious moments running her hands slowly up and down her body, imagining it was him. She thought about him pushing her against the wall of the shower, the shock of the cold wall contrasting with the hot water flowing over them both. He kissed her deeply while his fingers wandered down her body and found their way between her legs, rubbing her clit lazily.

She shook her head to clear it. Thinking about that now wasn’t helping anything. She turned her attention back to the dress she’d just unpacked. It was a beautiful vibrant blue silk that she knew would bring out her eyes and contrast nicely with her pale skin. It had a low neckline and slim skirt that looked as it would sit just above her knee. It was quite a departure from what she would normally choose for herself. She didn’t really think of herself as especially sexy or alluring, and the situation with Tom had certainly put a dent in her self-confidence that she feared would be permanent. She trailed her fingers longingly down the material of the dress, sighing in pleasure. She reminded herself firmly that this was only an act. None of it was real. A pretty dress couldn’t change reality.

She quickly grabbed the other bag Dembe had given her and drew out a shoe box with an expensive-looking pair of high heels inside. She slipped them on and was completely unsurprised to note that they were the exact right size, even if they were a little higher than she was really comfortable with. She reached into the bag again and pulled out a small jewellery box containing a delicate bracelet and matching earrings, sapphires set in white gold. She put the jewellery down and peered into the bag again, telling herself that she was just checking if there was anything else in there. Maybe a clutch or a pair of stockings. If she were completely honest with herself, she knew that she was looking to see if he had chosen lingerie for her as well. There was something delicious about the idea of him choosing lingerie with her in mind. If she were honest with herself, she would admit that she loved the idea of him shopping for her. Choosing clothes and shoes and jewellery for her purely because he wanted to see her wearing them. She had no interest in being honest with herself tonight. But she was still vaguely disappointed that he had neglected the finer details of her outfit. She hastily pulled out one of the few matching sets of lingerie she still owned, digging far into her drawers to find it.

She dressed quickly, suddenly worried about him turning up before she was ready for him. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and wondered if he really had chosen this for her or if he just had emergency clothes on standby in all shades and sizes. She tried not to think about how many women he had done this for as she started to apply her makeup. She kept it simple and hoped that she would give off an air of elegant grace rather than it being obvious that she simply ran out of time. She retrieved the jewellery box and clasped the bracelet around her wrist and slipped the earrings on, admiring the effect in the mirror. She was just wondering if she had time to curl the ends of her hair when her phone buzzed loudly. She fumbled it in her haste to check the message:

Nick’s Pizza: _Five minutes_.

“Damn,” Liz said quietly, deciding that she definitely didn’t have time to curl her hair. Instead, she twisted it into a simple updo and hoped that it would stay put for the duration. She still wasn’t used to her shorter hair. She wondered idly if Red were the type to run his hands through a woman’s hair when he kissed her, or perhaps he favoured holding hands. He certainly seemed like the type of man who enjoyed physical contact, even just among friends.

She was just applying perfume to her neck and wrists when there was a loud knock at the door. Liz turned abruptly, feeling flustered at his arrival. She felt a little embarrassed, too, as if she’d been caught doing something she shouldn’t. She pulled herself together as best she could and checked her appearance in the mirror one more time before she moved to open the door.

“Red,” she said, smiling in welcome. Her smile faded a little when he didn’t answer immediately. He seemed distracted by something and she grew self-conscious, looking uncertainly down at herself. “Is something wrong?”

“No! Not at all. You look—” he trailed off as he shook his head. “Forgive me, Lizzy. Let’s try this again.” He knocked quietly on the open door. “Good evening, Lizzy,” he said, smiling charmingly.

“Red! What a surprise!” She gestured him inside as she spoke. “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I was in the neighbourhood.” He removed his hat and looked curiously around the room. Liz was suddenly very aware of the messy state it was in. “I thought I’d just drop by and see if you were in the mood for a party.”

“With you, Red? I’m always in the mood,” Liz joked and then flushed bright red at the implication. He raised an eyebrow and she cleared her throat awkwardly. “Besides, someone was kind enough to lend me this dress, it would be such a shame to waste it.”

“Yes, it would,” Red said quietly, all traces of humour gone. “You’re a vision, Lizzy.”

Liz smiled shyly at him and gestured down at the dress.

“You know I can’t keep this, Red.”

“Why not?” he said, sounding genuinely surprised and she scrambled for a reason more compelling than _because I can’t_.

“It wouldn’t look right,” she said lamely.

“On the contrary, it looks perfect. Whoever chose it for you clearly has _marvellous_ taste.” Liz smiled wryly at him as he continued, “No, I think you must keep it, Lizzy. If it was a gift from a friend, there can be no impropriety, surely?”

“Friend?” Liz said questioningly.

“Some relationships defy all definition and one must simply make do,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Now, shall we go?”

“I just need a minute,” Liz said, starting to gather a few things to carry in a clutch: phone, lipstick, mints. She doubted she’d need her wallet and wasn’t sure she’d want to have her real ID on her anyway. “What kind of place is this that we’re going to? Will I need my gun?”

“Never leave home without at least one weapon, Lizzy. Basic safety precaution,” Red replied seriously. “We’re going to be surrounded by criminals, but it is a thoroughly respectable establishment, I assure you.”

“So,” Liz drawled, “is that a yes to my gun?”

“Will it fit in your clutch? Or will you hide it somewhere on you?”

“Look at this dress, Red,” she gestured down at the dress that clung closely to her body. “Where could I possibly hide a gun?”

Red took her suggestion and looked closely at her dress, circling her once to view all angles. She put her hands on her hips and huffed in annoyance.

“You’re correct, of course. It would be difficult to hide a gun anywhere under there, but I’m sure with a little creativity—”

“Red!”

“I may have a small weapon I could lend you for the evening,” he said placatingly.

“You really do like to prepare for every eventuality, huh?”

“It’s something of a specialty of mine, yes.”

She laughed and shook her head, shoving a few notes in her bag just in case she needed some money. She took a sharp nail file from her bedside table and added it as well, there certainly wasn’t any harm in having an extra weapon, just in case.

“Okay, then. Let’s go.”

He opened the door and gestured her through it, putting his hat back on as he stepped through behind her. Dembe nodded a greeting as they approached the car and she returned it with a smile as he held the door open for her. She sat herself carefully, very aware of the undoubtedly expensive dress she was wearing. She tried not to think about all the times she’s imagined this very scenario and all the ways she’d pictured herself seducing Red in this very car.

_Careful, Liz_ , she thought to herself.

Red slipped into the seat beside her and Dembe started the car. As they drove, Red filled her in on the details. He told her who their targets for the evening were as well as a few of the other people of interest expected to be in attendance. Liz listened with only half an ear, trusting that he would guide her through the evening as usual. She tried to focus on the road outside her window, hoping to orient herself and have some idea of their location.

“You really do look lovely, Lizzy,” Red said quietly, and she turned to look at him. “I’m glad you’re coming with me.”

“Thank you,” she said, fighting a losing battle within herself over taking his comments too much to heart. She reminded herself that it didn’t mean anything when he said things like that to her. She looked down at her hands and saw that they were clenched around her bag. She made an effort to relax and sought a change of subject, something that wouldn’t unnerve her so much. “It’s actually lucky that my _friend_ sent me this dress, otherwise I would’ve had to recycle my red dress.” She smiled at him teasingly. “Do you remember the red one?”

“Oh, I don’t think I’ll ever forget the red dress,” he said, and Liz tried to tell herself that it was her imagination that his voice had deepened at the last. “You know, it’s not too late for you to change. You could still wear it—”

“And insult my friend by refusing this gift?” Liz scoffed. “Never!” They smiled at each other for a moment and then Liz said, “Besides, I’ve never owned such a lovely dress before. It would be terrible to waste it.”

“Terrible, indeed!”

They lapsed into silence again until Dembe pulled the car to a stop in front of a hotel that she didn’t recognise and almost certainly couldn’t afford.

“Lizzy, there’s one thing I think I should mention before we go in,” Red said, and Liz was surprised to hear a note of hesitation in his voice.

“Okay.”

“I think that, given the circumstances, the best option for this evening is to act as if we are together.”

_Careful, Liz_.

“Together?”

“Yes. For the sake of appearances, you understand. If I show up at an event like this with a beautiful woman, there is a certain _expectation_.” He paused delicately. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, of course, but if you are amenable—”

_Careful_.

“That makes sense. What did you have in mind?”

Red looked relieved at her easy acquiescence.

“Just pretend we’re on a date, Lizzy. Be yourself.”

She smiled languidly at him, trying to hide her excitement.

“I think I can manage that.”

* * * * *

As they entered the large room where the party was being held, Liz clutched Red’s arm and tried to look unimpressed with her surroundings. If she really were involved with Red, these things would have become completely normal to her, even commonplace. She certainly wouldn’t stand there gawping at the lavish decorations or stare at the other women’s dresses. She poured all her energy into appearing to be calm and in her element.

Red strolled through the crowd, seeming to have not a care in the world. As they passed people, he introduced her by name and made casual conversation for a few moments before moving on. He whispered little secrets about all the people they spoke to as they walked away, he seemed to know everyone, and she quickly began to feel overwhelmed.

“Would you like a drink?” Red murmured suddenly very close to her ear. “Perhaps some champagne?”

“Thank you, yes,” Liz replied, trying to match his casual intimacy. He led her over to a secluded table and encouraged her to sit down. He placed a kiss gently across the knuckles of one hand and squeezed it once in reassurance before moving away toward the bar, clearing a path through the crowd with an ease that Liz envied.

Liz clasped her hands in her lap under the cover of the table and tried to calm herself down. This situation was dangerously close to so many that she had imagined with him and she knew that she would have to work doubly hard to hide what she was feeling. At least she would have the excuse of playing a role if he noticed anything unusual.

She took a calming breath and adopted an air of studied nonchalance. When Red returned a moment later with two flutes of champagne, she was ready to greet him with nothing more damning than a flirtatious smile. She took the glass he offered her and watched him closely as he took a seat opposite her. He met her eyes and raised his glass in a toast.

“To us,” he said, smiling warmly at her.

_Careful, Liz_ , she thought desperately to herself. _Careful._

She raised her glass to clink gently against his and took a small sip, eyeing him speculatively over the rim.

She thought about what her life would be like if she really _was_ Raymond Reddington’s lover. Exquisite clothes, expensive restaurants, exclusive parties. But more than that. So much more. She’d get to see the softer side of him, as well, the one she suspected was hidden deep underneath his elaborate persona. Quiet moments shared just between the two of them. Languid mornings, long evenings, tender kisses, declarations of love –

_Careful, Liz_ , she scolded herself again.

“Would you like to dance, Lizzy?”

She glanced at the dancefloor where half a dozen couples were moving slowly to the music.

“I must confess, I’ve been wanting to dance with you again ever since our time together at the Syrian Embassy.”

_Careful_ , she thought desperately, as her heart gave a traitorous leap.

“I’ll even let you lead this time,” he continued beseechingly.

She let out a startled laugh and impulsively brought her hand up to his face, brushing her thumb lightly across his cheek.

_Careful!_

“Red,” she said huskily, bringing his face in closer to hers.

“Yes, Lizzy?” he said, voice dropping impossibly low. His eyes darted down to look at her lips briefly before he looked up again to meet her eyes.

_Screw it_ , she thought resignedly.

“I think it’s better if you lead.”

 


	3. In too deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz knew that she was in too deep. She didn’t know how she’d let it get this far and she couldn’t even begin to think about how she could pull herself out. Somehow, she had to come to terms with the fact that she had feelings for him. She couldn’t dismiss this as a meaningless outlet or an innocent crush. She was falling in love with him and she was powerless to stop it.

Liz knew that she was in too deep. She didn’t know how she’d let it get this far and she couldn’t even begin to think about how she could pull herself out. She leaned her head against Red’s shoulder, the picture of contentment, and let him guide them around the room. She stifled a pleased sigh when she felt his fingers trace slightly lower on her back. Dancing so close, it would be even harder than usual to conceal what she was feeling. And even if she could, by some miracle, protect herself from Red’s knowing gaze, she could no longer deny the truth to herself. Somehow, she had to come to terms with the fact that she had feelings for him. She couldn’t dismiss this as a meaningless outlet or an innocent crush. She was falling in love with him and she was powerless to stop it.

“Lizzy,” Red said quietly, turning his head slightly so his mouth was just barely touching the shell of her ear. “We almost have everything we need.”

She made a noise of agreement, not opening her eyes or moving from her comfortable position.

“We’ve created quite a stir tonight,” he continued in a satisfied tone. “You’ve done so well.”

She felt him pull her a little tighter against him and she gasped softly in pleasure, finally opening her eyes in time to see his satisfied smirk.

“Are you up for one more display?”

His gaze darted down to her lips briefly before returning to meet hers, eyebrow raised in question. She nodded very slightly, not entirely sure what she was agreeing to, and watched as he bent his head to slant his lips over hers.

“Keen!”

Liz jumped in shock and looked around guiltily to see Cooper standing over her, an annoyed look on his face and a phone clutched in his hand.

“Yes, sir?”

“Have you heard from Reddington? We’re getting nowhere on this case.”

“Um,” Liz said shakily, trying to force her mind to focus on the issue at hand. “No, I haven’t heard from him since last week.” Cooper only looked more annoyed at this information, so she hastened to add, “But he did say that he would be out of town on business for at least a week. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him.”

Cooper sighed and said resignedly, “Make contact as soon as you can, Agent Keen. I don’t want this guy to slip through our fingers just because Reddington is too busy to pick up the phone. We need a win and we need it soon.”

Liz nodded and watched as Cooper walked back to his office. She really didn’t want to call Red. After the party that night the week before, she felt like she desperately needed some distance from him. A chance to catch her breath and get control of her emotions, so dangerously close to the surface as they were. She didn’t exactly regret going to the party with him, it was more complicated than that. She knew that the intel they’d gained was important and that she needed to take every opportunity to improve her undercover skills, especially in such relatively low-risk circumstances. That wasn’t the problem. The was problem was that she came perilously close to exposing herself and blurting out her feelings for him more than once over the course of the evening.

And she definitely had feelings for him, she could admit it to herself now, however reluctantly. She’d felt so happy when she was in his arms that she temporarily forgot that it was all an act. Red had seemed so sincere all night, as if they were just a couple out on a date. He smiled at her as if he found her fascinating, like he genuinely valued her company and everyone else in the room were surplus to requirements. He had remained surprisingly close to her all evening, keeping in almost constant contact. A hand on her back gently guiding her through the crowd, a kiss brushed quickly against her cheek, a finger trailed slowly down her bare arm.

Liz shivered slightly and tried to banish the thoughts from her mind. Red would probably be back some time over the weekend, she didn’t think there was really any need to call him yet. He would get in touch with her soon enough anyway. She’d give him until Sunday afternoon, if he didn’t call her by then, she’d reach out.

Satisfied with her decision, she turned back to her computer, resolved to get at least one thing finished that day.

* * * * *

Red called her late on Friday night.

She was watching a movie in her motel room when her phone rang. She glanced at it and had to suppress the instinctive thrill she got when she saw who it was. She didn’t really want him to know how much she’d missed him, so she let it ring three times before answering.

“Hello?” she said with her best attempt at nonchalance.

“Hello, Lizzy,” Red’s voice poured through the phone and Liz had to take a moment before she could respond calmly.

“Red,” she said and was pleased to note that her voice sounded perfectly normal, even bordering on indifferent. “You’re back?”

“Not quite. We’ll be landing within the hour,” Red said jovially. “I wanted to check in and see what you’ve been doing with yourself since I’ve been away? Keeping busy, I trust?”

Liz made a non-committal noise and settled more comfortably on the bed.

“Cooper’s been wanting me to call you. Your latest Blacklister has proven to be more difficult that we thought he would be.”

“And after all that trouble we went to at the party? Perhaps I should have a word with Harold about proper utilisation of resources. I have provided more than enough to be getting along with.”

She could clearly imagine the look on his face as he spoke and she grinned, grateful that he couldn’t see her.

“And Agent Ressler has got to contribute more than disgruntled boy next door looks and an ability to leech the joy out of everything.”

Liz snorted and rolled her eyes.

“There’s nothing for it, Lizzy. We’re going to have to infiltrate another criminal soiree.” Liz sucked in a breath, trying to convince herself that she wasn’t thrilled at the prospect. “I’ll pick you up in about two hours, you can wear your red dress.”

“Red!” she protested, laughing.

“Come on, Lizzy,” he wheedled. “Didn’t you have fun last time?”

“That’s not the point, Red,” Liz said, casting about for what the point _was_ now that she’d decided what it _wasn’t_. “We don’t need to infiltrate anything right now. We just need your help filling in the gaps, that’s all.”

“Lizzy, you are spending far too much time with dear Donald,” he scolded teasingly. “Honestly, I’m beginning to think that you don’t like going out with me.” Liz snorted again. “That hurts me, Lizzy.”

“Does it?” she said breezily. “Besides, I can’t possibly go out right now. I’m watching a movie.”

“Well I can certainly see how _that_ would be more appealing than an evening out with your favourite criminal,” Red said dryly. “What movie is it?”

“No idea.”

“Really, Lizzy, you have become remarkably distracted of late.”

 _You don’t know the half of it,_ Liz thought to herself.

“Perhaps I should come there and explain the movie to you.”

“It would already be over by the time you got here,” she said dismissively.

“A minor detail, hardly worth considering.”

“I thought you were going to a party?”

“Only if you’re coming with me.”

“I’m not leaving this bed,” Liz said tiredly, squinting at the screen and trying to remember anything of the movie she’d been watching for over an hour.

“Then I’ll join you there,” Red said firmly and Liz blushed crimson, glad once again that he couldn’t see her.

“I don’t think this bed would be quite up to your standards, Red,” Liz said, a little too breathlessly for her liking.

He chuckled throatily, and she felt a jolt of pure lust shoot through her.

“Oh, I’m sure I’d manage. Given the right incentive.”

“Incentive, huh?” Liz said playfully.

“Oh, yes, that movie you’re watching sounds like just the thing.”

“Well, I do hate to disappoint you, but I’m just about ready to give up on this movie, whatever it is,” she sighed and turned the TV off. “So, unless you can think of another incentive, I’m going to bed.”

“A capital idea!”

“Alone, Red,” she said sternly. “You can’t just invite yourself into my bed like that.”

“Of course not! I humbly await your invitation.”

“Some other time,” she said absently, yawning widely.

“Promise?” he murmured.

“Good night, Red.”

She hung up the phone quickly and turned the volume right down. She didn’t know what had come over her, but any consequences could wait for tomorrow. She covered her face with her hands and groaned in frustration.

* * * * *

Liz woke up early the next day and found herself in a surprisingly positive, upbeat kind of mood. She wondered what had brought it on and struggled against drawing the most obvious conclusion. She didn’t want to believe that Red’s return could prompt such a drastic upswing in mood, so she decided to not question it at all. She was certainly in too good a mood to hang around the motel all day, so she showered quickly, making a mental list of all the errands she could run and the places she could go. She looked over the small collection of clothes she had and noticed a light coloured floral sundress pushed right to the back behind everything else. She dug it out and looked at it wistfully. She’d bought it right around the time that she was due to start in her new job, right before Red came strolling into her life and everything got turned upside down. She’d never ended up wearing it. She didn’t even know why she still had it, she had tried to purge herself of all unnecessary reminders of her former life. She slipped it quickly over her head and checked her reflection in the mirror. It was a little loose on her but still hung nicely, falling just below her knees. The dress suited her, and not just who she used to be. It suited her now.

Impulsively, she grabbed her phone and sent a message to Red.

_Breakfast?_

She put her phone down as she grabbed her jacket and told herself that she didn’t care what his answer was. She almost believed it, as well. She dug out a pair of flats and checked her handbag, smiling as she slid her gun into a concealed pocket.

 _Never leave home without at least one weapon, Lizzy_.

She ran a brush quickly through her hair and applied some lipstick and mascara. She checked her reflection again and was pleasantly surprised. She looked like a regular person getting ready for a sunny Saturday with her boyfriend.

_Careful, Liz._

Shaking off the thought as an unnecessary dampener on her mood, Liz checked her phone for a reply from Red.

_I’d be delighted! Shall I come get you?_

She replied quickly, telling him to meet her at a café that was walking distance from her. She wanted to stretch her legs and it wasn’t often that she got to go for a leisurely stroll. Normally she was in such a hurry to get where she needed to be. She tossed her phone in her bag and slung it over her shoulder, casting a quick glance over the small room before she walked out the door, a smile on her face. It was going to be a good day. She’d make sure of it.

* * * * *

Twenty minutes later she was sitting at the counter, sipping a coffee and flirting vaguely with the man sitting next to her. He’d struck up a conversation about the quality of the coffee and she had played along quite happily. She honestly couldn’t muster up feelings sufficiently strong to debate him on the subject, but he was a suitable diversion while she waited. He looked to be about her age, with a nice smile, kind eyes and a pleasant voice. She was almost embarrassed by how little he interested her. He should be exactly what she’s looking for.

She allowed his words to wash over her while her mind drifted back to what she’d been thinking about before he started speaking to her. She imagined herself backed against the wall of her motel room, Red on his knees in front of her. His head was under the skirt of her dress and his hands were against her thighs, drawing teasing patterns on her skin while he held her in place, legs spread wide and trembling.

“Are you alright?”

The man’s voice finally penetrated the fog of her daydream and she focused in on him.

“I’m fine,” she said quietly. “Why do you ask?”

“Well, you just got all flushed,” he said uncertainly. “I mean, I care about my coffee but I’ve never seen someone react quite like that.”

Liz glanced up at a mirror on the wall and was amazed to see the glow in her cheeks and a bright light in her eyes.

 _Damn it, Liz. Get it together_.

She laughed and waved her hand dismissively.

“I’m an enigma,” she said, adopting a conspiratorial tone. “You never know what will get me worked up.”

He laughed with her and drained the dregs in his cup.

“Listen, can I buy you a cup of coffee? I know a great place near here that serves the best coffee in the city.”

“If that place serves the best, why did you come here?” Liz said curiously.

“No particular reason,” he said. “I can buy you another one here, if you like?”

“Thanks for the offer but I’m going to have to pass. I’m actually waiting for someone,” she said, trying to look apologetic. “He should be here soon.”

“Oh, well,” he said, looking disappointed. “In that case, here’s my card. Call me sometime.” He handed her a business card as he spoke. “It was nice chatting with you, Liz.”

“Likewise,” she said, mustering up a genuine-looking smile.

She glanced down at his card as he moved away.

_Patrick. His name is Patrick._

She’d completely forgotten this little detail as she got lost in her own thoughts.

 _Oh well_.

She gave a mental shrug and turned back to her rapidly cooling coffee.

“Good morning, Lizzy,” Red said from right next to her.

“Red!” she said, shocked. “When did you get here?”

“I’m sorry to startle you, Lizzy. When I came in, I saw you making friends with that young gentleman and thought it best to keep out of sight. He was quite the conversationalist, wasn’t he?”

He sounded almost stern as he spoke, and Liz just stared at him for a moment, mouth open.

“Why on earth didn’t you let him buy you a coffee when he offered? He seemed like the _perfect_ breakfast companion.”

He looked at her expectantly and she closed her mouth with a snap.

“Red—”

“Honestly, Lizzy, anyone who can make you look like _this_ after only a few moments of conversation—”

“Red, I wasn’t even listening to his conversation! I couldn’t tell you what it was about if you held a gun to my head.” She shook her head lightly, disbelieving. If she didn’t know any better, she’d say that Red was jealous of him. “And what do you mean, look like this? How do I look?”

“You’re glowing, Lizzy. Positively radiant.”

Liz felt herself blush even as she bristled at his tone.

“Look, I told him that I have other plans because I _do_ have other plans. I invited _you_ out to breakfast, Red. I’m not interested in anyone else right now.”

 _Careful, Liz_.

She watched as he drew the logical conclusion from that thought. If she wasn’t interested in anyone else, that implied that she was interested in _him_.

_Damn it._

“Look, if you want to cancel—” She paused, uncertain. “Do you _want_ me to have coffee with him? Is that what this is?”

“I want you to be happy, Lizzy,” he said seriously. “Happy and safe.”

She tilted her head and considered him in silence for a moment.

“You know what would make me happy, Red?”

He didn’t say anything, just raised his eyebrows expectantly.

“It would make me _so_ happy to have breakfast with you. You can tell me about your trip, I can tell you about where we’re at with the Blacklister.”

“Shop talk, Lizzy? So early in the day?”

“I’ve got no fixed plans today, Red,” Liz said nonchalantly. “If you’d rather wait and talk shop later, I’m open to suggestions.”

“Really?” Red said quietly, leaning closer and smiling.

“As long as it involves food,” she cautioned playfully.

“Oh, I’m sure we can arrange something.”

Liz didn’t even notice that she’d left Patrick’s card on the table as she walked out of the café with Red.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read/comment/leave kudos. I really appreciate it.


	4. Stop pretending

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz was torn between self-preservation and desire. She wanted to give in to it and just tell him everything she’d been thinking about. She wanted to forget who she was, who he was, and just feel.
> 
> “Lizzy, don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?”

Liz hummed in satisfaction and sat back in her chair, raising her face to the sun. Red smiled across at her and then drank the last of his coffee.

“Happy, Lizzy?”

“Oh yes,” Liz said, closing her eyes. “I couldn’t eat another bite.”

“You enjoyed your food?”

Liz nodded lazily, still not opening her eyes.

“Excellent. I aim to satisfy.”

She didn’t have to look at him to know he was smirking. She decided that some deflection was in order.

“How come you’ve never brought me here before?”

“You never seemed inclined to say yes if I were to ask you,” Red said matter-of-factly. “If, however, you would like me to introduce you to some of my preferred establishments, I would be delighted to accommodate you.”

“What kind of establishments?” Liz said, finally opening her eyes and peering at him suspiciously.

“Food, mostly,” he said calmly. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to lead you astray.” He laughed as her look of suspicion changed to one of incredulity. “Well, no more than usual.”

She stared at him for a moment and then smiled shyly.

“I’d like to see more of you favourite places. Or your preferred establishments, if you’d rather.”

“Just say the word, Lizzy, and I’ll make it happen.”

“You always sound so sure of yourself,” she said, a little enviously.

“That comes from being rather good at what I do.”

“Uh huh,” Liz said and turned her face back to the window.

After a few moments of silence, Red said, “Would you like to go for a walk? Or would you rather stay here for a while?”

“I’m not sure I _can_ walk, Red,” she said, laughing. “Maybe a bit later. Can we stay for a while?”

“Of course, Lizzy. We’ll stay as long as you want.”

“Promise?” she said wistfully.

Red reached across the table and squeezed her hand gently, prompting her to look at him.

“I promise,” Red said sincerely.

“Good,” she murmured. “Tell me a story, Red.”

Neither of them made any effort to release their hands.

* * * * *

Liz couldn’t remember the last time she’d enjoyed a Saturday as much as she did that one. Red was as good as his word and made no mention of leaving until she was ready. Breakfast turned into coffee, and coffee lasted until lunch, with Red entertaining her with stories of his travels the whole time. He clearly relished having her undivided attention, putting extra effort into being charming and seeming to tailor his stories to what he knew would interest her. For once he steered clear of his more ostentatiously criminal endeavours and detailed descriptions of his past romantic interludes. As a result, Liz was able to enjoy his company without the usual pangs of conscience or jealousy.

When they finally left the restaurant, Liz was astonished to see that it was well into the afternoon. Red didn’t seem to be in any hurry to part company, however, so Liz happily took him up on his earlier suggestion of a stroll. They meandered through one of Red’s favourite parks, Dembe a silent and watchful presence behind them. She had been having a spirited internal debate over whether it would be too weird to suggest that they go to see a movie, when a call from Cooper brought her crashing back to reality.

“Keen.”

“Agent Keen, have you made contact with Reddington?” Cooper boomed through the phone and Red smirked at her.

“Yes, sir,” she said. “I’m with him right now.”

She glared at Red as he chuckled and gestured for her to give him the phone. She shook her head, but he simply reached over and plucked the phone out of her hand.

“Harold!” Red cried jovially. “So nice of you to call. I do hope you’re enjoying your weekend. I was just getting ready to sit down with Agent Keen and catch up on all the gossip. Is there anything you want to contribute?”

Liz rolled her eyes and strolled over to a nearby bench where she sat down heavily.

“I _promise_ that I will furnish Lizzy with all the information you need to get your man. The rest, I’m afraid, will be up to you.” He glanced over at Liz and started moving towards her. “Honestly, Harold, you wound me with your doubt. Have I ever lied to you?”

Liz heard Cooper still talking as Red hung up the phone. He handed it back to her with an unapologetic smile.

“Looks like break time is over, Lizzy. Shall we get to work?”

“Absolutely. Tell me anything that might be helpful, Cooper will lose it if I go back without any fresh intel.”

“Now that _would_ be a shame,” he said as he sat down beside her. “You know how I hate to disappoint Harold.”

* * * * *

Three hours later she let herself into her motel room and Red casually strolled in behind her. They’d discussed the case at length and she’d called Cooper to relay the relevant information. With everyone well-satisfied and likely to leave off harassing her for a while, she was looking forward to a quiet night in. She was relaxed, tired and happy. Her defences were down for once and she was thoroughly unprepared for the suddenly serious turn their conversation took.

“Lizzy, when are you going to move out of this horrible place?” Red sighed, looking around the sad little room she currently called home with a critical eye. “I’d be more than happy to help you find something more appropriate.”

“I’m sure you would, Red.”

She smiled slightly as she spoke and then sighed deeply as she cast her eye around the room as well. There was something particularly disheartening about coming back here after such a near-perfect day with Red.

“This is no life for you, Lizzy. This purgatory you’ve chosen for yourself,” he gestured meaningfully at the dingy room, “it can’t last.”

“I do need to find something better,” she conceded.

“Don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?”

He said it gently, kindly even, but there was something about his voice that made her look up sharply.

“What do you mean?”

He looked surprised at her tone and raised a hand placatingly.

“I only meant that you seem curiously reluctant to embrace a more permanent arrangement.”

“Oh,” she said, deflating a little.

She wasn’t entirely sure that she believed him, but she certainly wasn’t going to encourage this particular topic. There was an unsettling kind of intimacy having him here, the site of so many of her more vivid daydreams, she didn’t want to exacerbate that by discussing her commitment issues. Even if they were ostensibly about her living arrangements.

“Would you like to join me for dinner? I know a marvellous little French restaurant not far from here. The cassoulet is to _die_ for.”

She smiled at him and tried to banish her suspicions from her mind.

“Another time, Red. Something tells me I’m going to be busy at work for the next few days, I should probably rest now while I have the chance.”

“Well, while I am disappointed to be deprived of your company, I must bow to your reasoning.”

“How gracious of you,” she said, smiling. They moved towards the door together and then paused in front of it, looking at each other expectantly. “Thanks for today, Red. I had a great time.”

“The pleasure was mine, Elizabeth, I assure you. Any grand plans for the remainder of your weekend?”

“Definitely. Sleeping counts as grand, doesn’t it?

“I would say that depends on who you’re sleeping with.” He put his hat on and glanced down at her. “I do hope you find occasion to wear this dress again soon, Lizzy,” he drawled. “You look good enough to eat.” He smiled widely at the flush that spread across her face. “Do call if you need any company in your grand plans.”

Her mouth dropped open in shock. _Did he just say...?_

“Good night, Lizzy,” he said, opening the door. “Pleasant dreams.”

She shut the door quickly behind him and leaned her head against it.

_Damn it_.

_* * * * *_

Liz didn’t see Red again that weekend. In fact, she didn’t see him again until Thursday. He tried to arrange meetings a few times, but she dodged them all. She had iron-clad excuses prepared for all occasions and she simply avoided contact as much as possible and hoped she wasn’t too obvious about it. When he called on Sunday, she told him that she was trawling through the apartment listings and didn’t want to stop now that she was on a roll. On Monday she was caught up at work in the morning and when he tried again in the evening, she was on her way to the gun range and no, she didn’t need him to supervise and yes, she’d rather go alone. On Tuesday, she called him about work but insisted that she needed the information right away and they didn’t have time to meet up. On Wednesday, she pretended not to see his call.

She knew that she couldn’t keep this up forever. She just needed some space to think things through. She didn’t know if she could bear it if Red found out how she felt and wasn’t interested in her. Or, even worse, found it amusing. She needed to protect herself. She knew that he may be perfectly happy to indulge her. He certainly seemed the type to encourage exploration and was a man with a high regard for the pleasures of the flesh, so to speak. But she didn’t want to be an indulgence for him. An amusement. A distraction. She wanted to either maintain their professional relationship as it currently stood, with an occasional flirtation, or she wanted something more than that. What exactly that something more was, she didn’t know, but she knew that she needed to avoid all unnecessary contact with him while she figured it out. She couldn’t risk being pulled into a conversation she wasn’t ready for, or be asked a question she didn’t have an answer to.

She tried to push aside all thought of him, tried to avoid her usual indulgence of a daydream or two to get her through the day. She wasn’t entirely successful. On Thursday morning, she found herself staring fixedly at her computer screen, scrolling down the page periodically to make it look like she was reading. She didn’t even really know what was on the screen in front of her. Her mind was more pleasantly engaged. She was thinking about Red bending her over a desk, sliding her underwear slowly down her legs. She imagined the feel of him pressed against her as her leaned over to whisper, _You’ve been a very bad girl, Elizabeth_ , in her ear. She trembled as he moved his hand gently across her ass once before he pulled it back and—

“Keen!” Ressler barked suddenly, and Liz jumped in her seat.

She looked up at him, irritated by the interruption and was surprised to see Red standing in the doorway, smirking openly.

“That must be a fascinating read, whatever it is. I’ve been trying to get your attention for the last two minutes!”

“While I’m sure none of us are surprised at your inability to get a lady’s attention, Donald,” Red said bracingly while Ressler rolled his eyes. “We really do need to move on this quickly.”

“You need me?” Liz said resignedly, averting her eyes and trying to ignore the flutter of pleasure she felt at seeing him again.

“Desperately,” he replied dramatically.

She sighed but made no complaint as she grabbed her coat and followed Red out of the office. They didn’t speak as they made their way out to his car, Liz was still trying to clear her mind. If she was honest with herself, she was grateful for the distraction. Following that particular daydream to its logical conclusion may have been a little confronting for a morning at work. Enjoyable, undoubtedly, but probably still not a good idea.

She smiled at Dembe and murmured her thanks as he opened the car door for her. She went to put on her seatbelt when Red’s hand stopped her. She looked at him in surprise, raising her eyebrows in question.

“We’re not going anywhere, Lizzy,” he said quietly. “At least, not right now.”

“But—”

“I wanted to speak with you and have found that the only way to guarantee your attention these days is be making it about a Blacklister or something equally tiresome. So,” he gestured vaguely around the car, “here we are.”

“I don’t understand,” Liz said uncertainly, afraid that she actually _did_ understand, all too well. “If you wanted to speak to me, you could’ve just called. Or spoken to me in the office. You didn’t need to—”

“Oh, but I did,” he insisted. “I have been trying to talk to you all week and you have been persistently evasive.”

“I’ve been busy,” she said automatically, somewhat sheepishly.

“Of course you have,” he said knowingly. “Hence the slight subterfuge to get you here. Are you telling me that you would have come to speak with me if I had simply asked you?”

Liz didn’t say anything, she didn’t need to. They both knew the answer. She sighed slightly and shifted in her seat so she was facing him more directly. She studied him in silence for a moment, but he gave no hint of where this was going.

“Okay, what did you want to talk about?”

“Us.”

“Us?” she said incredulously.

“Yes, Lizzy,” he said, taking her hand in his. “Us.”

She opened her mouth to respond and no sound came out. He squeezed her hand and she looked down at where they rested on the seat between them.

“Lizzy, I can’t pretend that things haven’t been different between us lately.”

She glanced up at him quickly before she averted her eyes again.

“I don’t want to give you the impression that I’m _unhappy_ with the change, of course,” he continued cheerfully. “I would just like to know what to expect.”

He paused again, clearly awaiting a response.

“I don’t know what to say, Red,” she said honestly.

She couldn’t deny that there had been a change between them. She had felt it, revelled in it, even, but she still didn’t know what she wanted.

“Well, how do you account for the change between us? Is it merely an innocent flirtation, a curiosity? Or does it mean something more to you?”

“Red—” she said weakly.

“Honestly, I don’t mind, Lizzy, but I would like to know if you mean anything by it or if I am merely convenient to you.”

She chuckled ruefully and said, “There’s nothing convenient about you, Red.”

“Hmm,” he said, considering. “Point taken.”

They lapsed into silence again and Liz knew that she would have to be the one to break it. Red looked to be in a particularly persistent mood and could most certainly wait her out. He could always wait her out.

“What do you want from me, Red?” she said tiredly.

“I want your happiness and safety assured. I want to be able to spend time with you in whatever capacity suits us both. But I think we’ve already firmly established what _I_ want, Lizzy. What do _you_ want from me?”

She closed her eyes and turned away from him again, leaning her head against the seat. She felt him squeeze her hand again and she slowly extracted it from his grip.

“I have to go back to work now,” she said eventually.

“Lizzy—”

“No, really, I have to go,” she insisted and pretended that she didn’t hear the note of desperation in her voice.

“Lizzy, please talk to me,” he implored.

“I can’t!” She looked at him and willed him to understand. “Red, please don’t make me do this right now. I have to back to work, I’ve got a lot—”

“What were you working on when I interrupted you? Something important?” He paused significantly. “Or perhaps something more personal?”

She flushed bright red and narrowed her eyes angrily.

“Reddington,” she said, a warning clear in her voice.

“What were you thinking about?”

“I—”

“Or would it be better to ask _who_ you were thinking about?”

Liz was torn between self-preservation and desire. She wanted to give in to it and just tell him everything she’d been thinking about. She wanted to lean over and press her mouth to his. She wanted to stay in this car for hours, the two of them in their own little self-contained, bullet-proof, tinted-windowed world. She wanted to forget who she was, who he was, and just _feel_.

“Lizzy,” he murmured gently as he cupped her cheek with his hand. She slowly raised her eyes to meet his. “Don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?”

“Red, please,” she whispered. “Let me go.”

He sighed deeply and released her.

“Of course, Lizzy.”

“I need some time,” she said miserably.

“Of course, Lizzy,” he said again.

“I need to leave now.”

Red smiled gently at her and said, “Will you call me when you’re ready to talk?”

“Yeah.”

“Promise?”

She huffed a laugh and traced her hand gently down his face before resting it briefly on his chest. She leaned in and whispered in his ear, “I promise.”

She forced herself to get out of the car. She didn’t look back as she walked away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter after this and I'm hoping to have it done soon.
> 
> A big thank you to everyone who takes the time to read/leave kudos/comment. I appreciate it every time!


	5. Emboldened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Liz felt like she was sleep-walking through the rest of her day. She avoided speaking to the others when she came back to the office and did her best to look both engrossed in her work and supremely pissed off, a combination of emotions that she’d become used to feeling after she started working with Red. No matter what she did, she was unable to really focus. Every time she finally got on a roll with something, Red’s words from earlier would flash through her mind.
> 
> Don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?

Liz felt like she was sleep-walking through the rest of her day. She avoided speaking to the others when she came back to the office and did her best to look both engrossed in her work and supremely pissed off, a combination of emotions that she’d become used to feeling after she started working with Red. No matter what she did, she was unable to really focus. Every time she finally got on a roll with something, Red’s words from earlier would flash through her mind.

_Don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?_

“Damn it, Red,” Liz murmured to herself after several hours of this.

“Did you say something, Agent Keen?” Aram said from the doorway.

“Huh?” Liz said distractedly. “Oh, no. Nothing.” She forced a smile and tried to focus on him. “What’s up?”

“Nothing, I just wanted to check in. You seem—” Aram paused, clearly searching for a suitably polite way to end his sentence.

“Yes?” Liz prompted, amused despite herself.

“Distracted,” Aram finished lamely.

“You don’t know the half of it,” Liz muttered, averting her eyes. “I guess I’m just tired, I didn’t sleep well last night. Nothing for you to be overly concerned about.”

Aram nodded, clearly unconvinced.

“If you’re sure—”

They were interrupted by the sudden entrance of a courier, for which Liz was grateful. She didn’t feel sure of anything right now.

“Elizabeth Keen?”

“Yes?”

“Delivery for you.” He deposited a large box on her desk and held out a slip of paper for her to sign. She looked dubiously at the package and then up at the courier.

“Who sent you?”

“Sign here, please,” he said, completely ignoring her question.

Liz scribbled something that bore no resemblance to her signature and tried again.

“Who sent you?”

The courier just smiled at her and said, “Have a nice day.”

He was gone before she could say anything else.

“It had to make it through security to get down here,” Aram said reasonably. “It’s probably not anything to be concerned about.”

“Oh yes, it is,” Liz said, opening the card on top of the parcel carefully and recognising the handwriting and the typically bold red ink. “It’s from Reddington.”

“What would Mr Reddington send you?”

“A case,” Liz said simply. “Get everyone together. We’ve got another Blacklister.”

* * * * *

Liz was grateful for the distraction the fresh Blacklister afforded them. She suspected that Red had given them this one specifically because it would keep her busy. As far as Blacklisters went, this one was pretty standard. A typically dangerous criminal but not one that she would become obsessed with. Just enough to keep her busy, but definitely not one to lose any sleep over. In other words, perfect for her current state of mind.

_Thanks, Red,_ she thought to herself as she watched the team come together with fresh energy. After the initial flurry of activity, Liz tried to take a backseat. Unfortunately, Cooper noticed.

“Agent Keen?”

“Yes, sir?”

“Anything to add? Perhaps some insight Reddington gave you earlier?”

“Not really, sir.”

“You met with him, didn’t you? What did he say?” Cooper persisted.

_Don’t you think it’s time to stop pretending?_

“Yes, I met with him for a few minutes,” Liz said slowly, painfully aware of the eyes on her. “But he didn’t really give me any specifics, just what he sent through.”

“Aram said there was a note in addition to the files, what did it say?”

“Nothing important,” Liz said dismissively, trying for nonchalance. “Just the name, some background info, nothing we don’t already know.”

Cooper looked unconvinced, but there was nothing he could do to make Liz offer up the note from Red. Nothing legal, anyway.

“Okay, then,” Cooper said eventually. “Let’s get moving on what we _do_ have.”

* * * * *

Late that night, Liz pulled the note out of her bag. She’d shoved it in a pocket out of sight as soon as she finished reading it the first time, desperate to prevent anyone else from seeing it. There wasn’t anything incriminating in it, of course. Red was too smart for that. But there would be questions asked, regardless, so it was better to keep it hidden. She read it again, wondering if he wrote all his notes in red ink or if he only did that for her benefit.

_A case. A peace offering. A means to an end. Make of this what you will. You should have everything you need to apprehend him without further assistance from me and so I will be travelling for the next few weeks to attend to some urgent business. Convenient? Perhaps, but I will be in touch soon so that you know how to contact me, should you want to talk about anything._

_Remember, I am never too far away if you need me._

_Red_

She sighed and placed the note back in the envelope. He’d probably left by now, gone where she couldn’t find him. Gone where she’d have to be the one to reach out. He’d given her what she asked for, space and time, and she didn’t know how to handle it. She’d picked up and put down her phone about a dozen times that day, but she’d never been able to just dial his number. She still didn’t know what she wanted to say to him anyway. She had ruthlessly suppressed every single daydream that had wandered across her mind that day, and she was exhausted from all the effort it had taken.

Liz stood up slowly and reached for her coat. There was no point hanging around here any longer, she wasn’t achieving anything and may as well get some rest. Aram smiled at her as she walked past his desk.

“Going home, Agent Keen?” he asked cheerfully.

_Home_. How long had it been since she’d felt at home anywhere?

“Liz? Are you alright?”

“No, I’m not,” she replied honestly, surprising herself. “But I will be.”

“You sure?”

“Oh yes. It’s time to stop pretending.”

“P-pretending?” he stammered. “What—”

“Nothing,” Liz said quickly, giving his arm a friendly squeeze. “Just something I’ve been thinking about.”

“Wait!” he called out and she stopped in her tracks, turning to look at him questioningly. “C-can I just say something, Agent Keen?”

“Of course,” she said nervously.

“I don’t want you to take this the wrong way or for it to seem like I’m over-stepping the bounds of our friendship or—”

“Aram!” Liz said, laughing. “Just say what you want to say.”

“Okay. Here goes.” He took a deep breath and then looked at her seriously. “You deserve to be happy, Liz.”

Liz blinked in surprise. Whatever she had been expecting, it hadn’t been this.

“Aram, what—”

“And if he makes you happy, I don’t think it’s anyone’s place to judge you,” he said in a rush and then nodded decisively. “That’s what I want to say.”

“Aram, who are you talking about?”

“Mr Reddington, of course. I thought that was obvious.”

“Obvious?” Liz blurted out

“Yeah,” he said kindly. “Liz, I’ve seen the way you look at him.”

Liz had to fight against her first instinct to deny all knowledge and laugh it off. She looked at Aram’s face and saw only compassion, mixed with just a hint of fear. He, of all people, wouldn’t judge her for this and she needed to be able to trust someone. She dropped her bag heavily on the ground and pulled a spare chair up to Aram’s desk.

“Has anyone else noticed?” she said quietly.

“I don’t think so. I mean, there are rumours, there always has been, but that’s no reason not to go for it.”

“What if it goes badly?” Liz said miserably. “What if I lose everything?”

“What happens if you never try?”

“But what if he’s not really interested in me?”

Aram laughed loudly at that and Liz scowled.

“Come on, Liz. The guy gave up everything just for the chance to speak with you. He risked being locked away so he could work with you. He’s not going to suddenly decide that he’s not interested in you!”

“I wish I could be as sure as you are.”

“Then I guess there’s just one thing left to do.”

“Hide away and pretend this conversation never happened?” Liz said sarcastically.

“No, Liz,” he said patiently.

“Go back to work?”

“No, Liz,” he repeated, leaning down and picking up her bag.

“Call Red?”

Aram didn’t answer, he just held her bag out to her. She grabbed it with a slight huff but leaned in to kiss his cheek as she stood up.

“Thanks, Aram. You’re a good friend,” she said softly, resuming her walk towards the elevator. “And don’t stay too late, the work will still be there tomorrow.”

* * * * *

Liz called Cooper on her way home and asked to take some time off. She had lined up her arguments in preparation, all about the easy case, Red’s absence and how she hadn’t really taken any time off since she started, but they were completely unnecessary. Cooper agreed immediately and told her to take as long as she needed, provided she would come back to work when Reddington returned. Then, before she could talk herself out of it, she dialled Red’s number, telling herself that he probably wouldn’t answer anyway. She listened to it ring as she pulled up in front of her motel.

“Lizzy?”

“Red,” she breathed, feeling unexpected relief rush through her. “Where are you? Have you left yet?”

“No, not yet. I had some business in the city that took longer than I anticipated.”

“Oh,” she said stupidly, as she got out of the car and walked over to her room.

_What now?_ She’d really been counting on him being safely in the air when she had this conversation.

“Is something wrong, Lizzy? Did you need me—”

“I just wanted you to know that I’m going to take some time off work.”

“Indeed?”

“Just a couple of weeks,” she added quickly. “While you’re away and things are quiet with the task force.”

“Ah.”

“I need to take some time to get my life in order.”

“Of course, Lizzy,” he murmured.

“I want to find a more permanent living arrangement, something I can call home.” She was on a roll now and couldn’t seem to stop the rush of words. “You were right, I need to stop pretending. I need to move on with my life.”

“I see,” he said softly. “You know that I would be perfectly happy to assist you—”

“No! I don’t want you to.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone and Liz cringed. This wasn’t going well.

“What I mean,” Liz continued in a more measured tone, “is that I need to do this on my own. It’s time for me to stand on my own. It’s time for me to stop pretending.”

“And?”

“And, what?”

“What does that mean for—”

“Us?” she interrupted.

“Yes, for us.”

Liz felt her mouth go dry and she didn’t answer for a moment. She was obviously silent for too long because he started speaking again.

“I understand, Lizzy.”

“You do?” she said disbelievingly. She didn’t even understand yet.

“Yes, you need time.”

“Well—”

“Take all the time you need. I’ll be staying here tonight but will be leaving in the morning.”

“Red, I—”

“Enjoy your break, Lizzy. I hope you’ll be,” he paused, almost sounding pained, before he cleared his throat and continued, “very happy.”

“But, Red!”

“Goodbye, Lizzy.”

Liz stared at the phone in horror. He couldn’t mean what she thought he meant. He _couldn’t_ really think that she had been telling him that she needed to move on with her life _away_ from him. She hadn’t said _that_ , had she? He couldn’t be that dense, could he?

_Damn it, Liz_ , she thought. _Fix it._

* * * * *

Liz crept silently through the house, alert for any movement. She was familiar with the layout, she’d been here a few times before and knew just what to do to avoid notice. Dembe was not an easy man to sneak past and Red was almost impossible to fool, but Liz knew that she could do it. Years of practice and an instinct for self-preservation had served her well. She never really let anyone know just how skilled she was in performing criminal-like activities. You never knew when those skills would come in handy, and they were so much more useful when people didn’t know you had them.

She eased her way into Red’s bedroom and shut the door silently behind her, congratulating herself on making it this far. She scrutinised the figure in the bed for a moment and she could tell by his breathing that he wasn’t asleep. Just pretending while he assessed the situation, no doubt. She laughed under her breath and shook her head ruefully. One of these days, she would succeed in sneaking up on him.

“It’s only me,” she murmured quietly.

Red made a very convincing display of a man coming slowly out of a deep sleep. He blinked sleepily at her and she laughed again.

“Lizzy?”

“Give it up, Red. I know you were already awake.” She stepped further into the room and looked down at him curiously. “What gave me away?”

“The rustle of your clothes,” Red replied, not sounding sleepy at all, now. He switched on a lamp next to the bed and squinted a little in the sudden light. “Honestly, Lizzy, I’m always trying to impress upon you the need to dress for the occasion.”

“Yes,” Liz said simply. “I should listen to you more.”

“Yes,” Red echoed. “You should.”

They lapsed into silence and Liz shifted awkwardly as Red sat up in bed. She knew that now was the time to come to the point, explain why she was there, have that conversation they’d been dancing around for weeks. She thought about making a joke about inviting herself into his bed but couldn’t seem to find the situation funny enough to manage it.

“We need to talk, Red,” she said eventually and almost rolled her eyes at the tired old line. _Of course we need to talk._

“As you wish, Lizzy,” Red replied calmly. “Where would you like to talk? Shall we go for a drive, or perhaps have a drink?”

“Well—” she said uncertainly.

“Or you could join me here, Lizzy.”

Liz felt her mouth drop open in shock.

“What?”

“Plenty of room,” he continued, the hint of a smirk appearing on his face. “Although I must insist you remove your shoes first.”

Liz stared at him for a moment longer and then a slow smile spread across her face.

“Okay, Red,” she said demurely. “If you insist.”

She toed her shoes off and walked towards the bed, thoroughly enjoying the expression of disbelief on his face even as her own heart pounded.

“But are you sure that’s enough?”

“Enough?” he questioned hoarsely.

“Yes,” she said seriously, toying with the buttons on her coat. “I meant what I said earlier.”

“Earlier?”

“About how I should listen to you more.” She started undoing the buttons on her coat. “About how I should learn to dress more _appropriately_ for the occasion.” She slowly drew her coat off and let it fall behind her on the floor. “And a good rule of thumb, when you don’t know the rules—” she popped the button on her jeans, “is to look at those around you for guidance.” She twirled slowly on the spot, taking an exaggerated survey of the room. “And look! It’s just you and me here, Red.”

“Lizzy.”

Liz couldn’t really pick the tone of his voice. Was he warning her off? Did he want her to continue? She hid her uncertainty behind bravado.

“So, when I look at you right now, I can see that I’m far too over-dressed. So, either you need to put some clothes on, or I need to take some off.”

“Lizzy,” Red said as he slowly drew the blankets away from him. “Don’t you want to talk?”

“Yes, I do,” Liz replied, drawing the zipper of her jeans down as slowly as she could manage. She couldn’t help but notice that his eyes were following her every movement. “I want to talk about us.”

“Lizzy,” Red repeated, and there was definitely a warning in his voice now as he got out of bed to stand before her. “What are you doing?”

“I’m trying to talk to you, Red.”

“You don’t usually need to remove any clothing in order to talk to me,” he said quietly.

“Oh, but I’ve wanted to,” Liz heard the words coming out of her mouth and almost swallowed her tongue in shock. She would have laughed if she weren’t so embarrassed. It was just too ridiculous, the two of them staring open-mouthed at each other in total silence with barely any space between them.

_Screw it_ , Liz thought, as she took a step back and slowly pushed her jeans over her hips. Liz felt emboldened when she saw Red lick his lips and stepped close into his space again, kicking her jeans away as gracefully as she could manage. Liz took both his hands in hers and placed them gently on her hips, his eyes fluttered closed and she took the opportunity to take another step closer. She brought her hands up to rest against his chest and his eyes flew open in shock.

“Lizzy?”

“I wanted to clear up our little misunderstanding earlier,” she said, amazed at how calm she sounded. “When I said that I wanted to figure my life out, I didn’t mean to imply that you wouldn’t have a place in it.”

“I didn’t think you did,” Red protested.

She tutted at him and started drawing teasing patterns on his chest.

“Don’t lie to me, Red,” she said seriously.

“I was merely giving you the space I thought you needed.”

Liz shifted forward slightly and pressed against him, raising her eyebrows when she came into contact with his cock.

“Does it seem like I’m looking for space?” she teased.

“It _seems_ like you don’t know what you want,” he said gently.

“I know what I want, Red.” She trailed one hand down his chest, past the curve of his stomach to stop at the waistband of his boxers. “I’ve just never felt like I could have it.”

Liz watched as Red opened his mouth but he didn’t speak, he just gripped her hips a little tighter. The hand that was still on his chest made its way up to his neck and she tickled the base of his head lightly with her fingertips, enjoying the little shiver of pleasure that ran through him.

“You say that you want me to be happy, Red.”

“Yes,” he whispered.

“Do you think I could be happy with you?”

“I don’t know if you should—”

“That isn’t what I asked, Red,” she insisted, drawing his face closer to hers. “Do you think I could be happy with you?”

He didn’t answer so she tilted her face up slightly so their lips were almost touching.

“Please answer me,” she pleaded quietly “Do you think I could be happy with you, Red?

“Lizzy, what I think doesn’t matter.”

“It matters to me. Do you think I could be happy with you?”

“I don’t know, Lizzy,” he sighed and closed his eyes.

She leant her forehead against his and closed her eyes as well.

“But I’d like to find out.” She opened her eyes slowly to see him smiling at her. “I’m game if you are, Lizzy.”

“Hmm,” she said softly. “I was hoping that you would help me, actually.”

“With what?” he asked, playing with the hem of her shirt.

“I’ve just got all this time off work, and I’m just dying to find ways to fill my days.”

“Really? Well, I am quite at your disposal. Is there something in particular you’d like to do?”

She grinned at him and said, “I may have a few ideas.”

And then she finally, _finally_ , leaned forward to press her lips against his.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it! My first ever completed multi-chapter fic! Huzzah!
> 
> Thank you to all the people who have taken the time to read/lead kudos/comment. I really do appreciate it and it makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work!


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